Why are Indians uncomfortable with the existence of sexual desire in their women?

I was recently watching Mirch, a 2010 Indian film by Vinay Shukla. The film is an adaptation of 4 short stories from the Panchatantra evolving into modern tales which talk about willy women (Konkona Sen Sharma and Raima Sen) having their way with sexual encounters (often extra-marital). I congratulate Shukla on bringing this story to the Indian screen- a story which acknowledges and also celebrates women’s emancipation. While most stories involve women’s desires outside marriage, the third story featuring Raima Sen and Shreyas Talpade is a thinker. Raima Sen is the perfect wife, unabashed in expressing her affections to her husband (Talpade) who misinterprets these loving gestures and questions her character. Now this is highly insulting to a woman who, in all fidelity, reserves her sexual advances only for her husband.  As you may guess, it is his doubtful and distrusting nature which eventually leads her to find solace in the arms of another man.

This brings us to the pressing question, why are Indians so critical of their women having an active libido? How is it that a man is granted 42 virgins in the afterlife while a woman’s eternal bliss is limited to being one with the Almighty? There is a flaw in the nature’s balance here if women are expected to be devoid of the same sexual thirst that beckons men.

With the pace of development, women now have access to contraceptives and lubricants, but are still frowned at when they ask for the same at a departmental store. A prejudice of this nature in a land which gave the world Kama sutra?

While on the subject of Kama sutra, let me talk about the highly misunderstood Mira Nair film of the same name which was banned in the land which gave it material to script from. A poignant portrayal of caste-system and a woman’s desire to be above herself is ridiculed by film critics when they slot it as soft porn.

Kama sutra is an ancient art but long forgotten. Women are an interesting study in the greatest epic- Mahabharata. The tale has many illegitimate children borne out of a man’s sporadic desire when he sees an undesirable woman. Even ascetics are not spared and enjoy all earthly pleasures. While earth-ridden women were simply a mean to satiate a man’s thirst, celestial nymphs such as Urvashi had a healthy sexual appetite (which she consummates with mortals) while married to Indra. Herein lies the dichotomy of the Indian epic, mortal women are mere tools while Goddesses are worshipped.

Speaking of Goddesses, the latest indie film to have mildly shaken the audience is The Angry Indian Goddesses. It follows the story of a group of women on a trip to Goa where each has a chance to disconnect with the world and discover herself. The light-hearted film takes a ghastly turn when the one of the protagonist is brutally gang-raped and murdered. The last few minutes are a harrowing experience and, as is the case with most similar situations, the film ends on a cliff-hanger. The character in question is a sweet unassuming young Bollywood starlet who is harbors naive sexy dreams about her hot next-door neighbor in the course of the film. These dreams are funny as well as endearing, involving some silly intimate moments only the inexperienced can dream of. Unfortunately before these dreams can fly, the world has meted its brutality to her.

As I walked out of the theater, I heard one man say to his friend, “Usko jo chahiye tha poore film me (Sex), woh end mil hi gaya! (Rape).”

Giggles followed.

What do you say to that?

-Surabhi Udas

Fear Quiets Magic

*written simply coz I wanted more people to know about this quote

I chanced upon the NCC canteen in Pune today. The place has an old world charm which can be likened to the cozy Parsi cafes in SoBo. I took an immediate liking to the place and it only heightened considerably when the server brought me a long half glass chai. As I sipped on the heavenly concoction of ginger, tea leaves and milk (how hard is it to get this combination wrong?), I could hear the incessant pounding of rain on the road. The setting was perfect, so I fished out a scribbling paper and began writing with a determination which has long eluded me.

As I glanced at the paper 30 mins and one cheese maggi later, I had only managed to scribble a few movie quotes, the lyrics of a lame song and doodles 'resembling' Batman. There was little left to do but tear the paper with as much dignity as possible and walk out. 

Just as I was about to rip it apart, I noticed a small quote I had scribbled towards the end of a long song, "Fear Quiets Magic."

Anyone who has played DOTA 2 will be familiar with this line. I, however, was introduced to it by the awesomatic Vighnesh Rao who has a bit of a talent in identifying life lessons which are communicated via unconventional mediums. The thought resonated deep within me as its many implications started surfacing. Yes, fear does quiet magic. The fear of society, of people, of rules, world, catastrophes, death, but above all, the fear of failure. 

Nobody wants to fail. Sometimes, the thought of an impending doom is better received then a lingering possibility of failure. It paralyzes us and makes it impossible to put ourselves out there and give our best shot.  Arya Stark offers a violent variation of this quote, "Fear cuts deeper than swords."
In fact, tropes focusing on this have echoed through pop culture under the guise of ideas like, live your dream, follow your heart, take risks etc. 

So, why does this quote deserve a blog post, you ask? 

Well, I urge you to focus on the last word of this quote- magic. 

Yes, magic exists. And the only way you will experience it in this lifetime is by never letting fear cripple your pursuit of happiness. 

I refrain from elaborating further because:

1. I'd like you to interpret this quote as you like

2. One cannot write a long post simply coz it is a blog

All I will leave you with is a small request- Choose Magic!  

'Funny' Indian Politics vs Social Media

Okay, let me begin by gloating- I voted!

Now that we have this declaration out of the way, let me tell you a short story (I know, I write short stories on the other blog, but bear with me for a second here)

A young girl of 7, accompanied her grandparents on election day, once. Her only task was to stamp on a symbol of their choice, as they did not trust their eyes to read relevant information. She watched in wonder as they inked their respective finger, and then proceeded to quietly tell her where to stamp. The mini adventure was banked with a sense of self-importance and she vowed to vote well for her country one day.

Fifteen years later, here I am, having voted for the first time in the Mumbai round of the Lok Sabha elections 2014! One of the early voters, I was smug and confident as I walked out into the sun (literally) having cast my vote- my dream had been realized. But, said a small nagging voice at the back of my head, had I really voted well like I promised myself ages ago? A louder voice contradicted with, did I have a sensible choice of candidates at all?, and assured me that I had done well within the limited options. All too suddenly, I begin to fret and my initial excitement rapidly evaporated as I recalled the content faces of my grandparents, reassured in the rightness of the choice they had made.

As the day passed, I read brickbats on social networking sites slamming the low turnout in Mumbai and warning Mumbaikars of dire consequences for not voting. What dire consequences, I wondered? 

As I read more views and arguments ridiculing the situation, I realized that social media is the reason I am so indifferent to a moment I had waited for since forever. It thrusts every public in my face at every point of the day, leaving no room for mystery and definitely no curiosity. I have a 360 degree access.

Constant access!

Back in the good old days, people had limited access to their politicians. They heard their argument at the start of the campaign and challenged them through voting if they failed to deliver. It was a simple system of give and take, if you may. With TV, people had a chance to scrutinize the politicians and leaders on a more regular basis with the evening news. Gradually, TV diversified into a billion channels and million NEWS channels; people could now track different strands of every strata of a political party debating on various platforms/issues/non issues etc.

Then came social media and any hope the politicians had of salvaging their image was savaged. Intellectuals (some of them) slammed them on Twitter, comedians spoofed them on YouTube and laymen continued to be confused on Facebook swinging with the flow- which now is purely satirical. 

It does not help that our politicians are equally bizarre, outdated, audacious, uneducated, vain, petty (or attention seeking, you pick) and the cynics needn't look far to make a satirical comment or a video. The candidates at the forefront are immature, delusional, misguided, with no clear idea of how to go about things apart from making claims. These people are scrutinized by their every sentence, stand, opinion thus limiting any chance they may have at winning people's trust or goodwill. Today, we are aware of every little flaw of theirs, be it their diction or lack of strategies.

How can one expect any turnout for people who are ridiculed at dinner tables and all over media? 

I am not sure if this overt reality check is good or bad, or if it is just an 'Urban Indian' dilemma. What saddens me deeply is that not one of us can believe completely in the power we are voting for!